Shifting into neutral
Although scientific studies show that an optimistic attitude promotes health, when I'm feeling really stressed or distressed I often find it almost impossible to crank myself around to feeling genuinely good. Instead I usually have to ratchet myself out of my upset little by little. My first step is to try to feel neutral instead of terrible.
So how do you get to neutral when life seems less than amusing?
You can begin by telling yourself, "It doesn't matter" whenever you notice you're feeling upset. Because, really, it doesn't matter. On your deathbed, you are not going to remember one of the problems that is bothering you today. In the bigger picture of your life, this is just a stretch of rough road that you will get through.
When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.
Corrie Ten Boom, author and Holocaust survivor
Another thing you can think is: "Things will get better." The idea that things are getting better is much more calming for your body and mind than thinking the opposite and telling yourself, "This will never get better. I'm doomed." As you tell yourself, "I can relax because things are getting better," you create a "things are getting better" filter in your mind, a focus that is amplified as you look for signs that it's true. Thinking about things getting better is relaxing. Relaxing lets you notice that things are getting better. And relaxing gives you the energy to make things better.
Because problems rarely go on forever, you can think, "What a relief it will be when I'm out of this!" Focusing on feeling trapped by your troubles simply exhausts you and shuts off your ability to notice ways out of your problematic situation. Looking at your problems as temporary makes them seem more manageable, and this sense of control has been shown to be health promoting.
When you're working on getting to neutral, remember that there's no need to feel bad if you find you've fallen back into being upset about your problems. You can think of your distress as a sack of garbage you've picked up and are carrying out of habit. When you notice you're carrying it, mentally put it down, then think one of those neutralizing thoughts, because, really, it doesn't matter, since things will get better soon, and it will be such a relief when they do.
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